


then we shall see each other face to face

by moss_time



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Anger Management, Diego Hargreeves is Bad at Feelings, Diego Hargreeves-centric, Diego and five both have adhd these are facts, Dysfunctional Family, Gen, Lack of Communication, Light Angst, No Incest, Not Beta Read, Sibling Bonding, Slice of Life, ben is alive in this bc i love him and dont care for canon, cannot believe this is a tag i gotta use, im ignoring the s2 ending for this one, love that thats a tag, mostly spoiler free for s2, sorta. its diego, theyre a mess but theyre trying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-25
Updated: 2020-08-27
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:33:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26113462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moss_time/pseuds/moss_time
Summary: After they stop the apocalypse (again) and things go back to normal, Diego deals with some issues and tries to be a better brother.
Relationships: Allison Hargreeves & Diego Hargreeves, Ben Hargreeves & Diego Hargreeves, Diego Hargreeves & Everyone, Diego Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves, Diego Hargreeves & Luther Hargreeves, Diego Hargreeves & Vanya Hargreeves, Number Five | The Boy & Diego Hargreeves
Comments: 11
Kudos: 199





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> u know that feeling when youre super touch starved but anyone touching you makes your skin crawl? thats what this fic is about!  
> title from love love love by the mountain goats

They're having a movie night. Every third Friday each month is movie night. No excuses, no exceptions.

A shitty fucking idea, with how different their movie tastes are, and how impossible it seems to be to get seven people to just shut the hell up for two hours and pay attention to something for once.

Ben insists on snacks during a movie. Chips, specifically, and it irritates both Diego and Luther greatly, hearing him crunch for hours. Allison and Klaus love to talk throughout the whole movie, comment on each and every detail and stop paying attention because suddenly the conversation they're having about a scene from ten minutes ago is more interesting than the movie, and _I don't know Klaus, maybe if you stopped asking questions and paid attention to the movie you'd understand what's going on_ , Five would repeat. Vanya falls asleep against one of them each time. She snores. Five and Allison glare knives at anyone who dares to bring it up. Diego can't stop himself from complaining about every fight scene and how unrealistic it is, or how he'd do a much better job at kicking their asses, or how boring and uncreative guns are. Allison groans and tells him to shut up, which is rich coming from her, who has to share all gossip about actors and directors that no one but Klaus cares to listen to. Five and Diego are tragically bad at staying still and paying attention. Fifteen minutes into the movie and Five's bouncing his leg like crazy and Diego feels like if he doesn't so something with his hands he might explode. Ben is always so disappointed to see that they remember nothing about the movie.

Movie nights were a mistake. They were a mistake even before Diego went and ruined it all.

It was supposed to be just one more of those annoying nights that they've all decided to endure because family bonding time or whatever. It very quickly turns into a nightmare when Klaus deicides to take Diego's spot on the floor which forces him to sit between Vanya and Luther.

Now, this would be fine, it's not like he despises them or whatever, he's gotten over it, so it's fine, it should be fine. He's still fuming though. Vanya can probably tell and she doesn't ask and keeps space between them, which he appreciates.

Luther however, is as oblivious as he's always been, always is, to everything. And the thing about Luther is, well. He's big. He's always been big, muscles and superstrenght and all, but now he's _big_ , and he takes up a lot of space, especially on a couch with two other people. This hasn't been a problem, they're all ready to accommodate to make sure he's comfortable and make sure to not point it out, because he's their brother and they all love him or some shit.

They've gotten used to a bigger him, and they don't mind it because there's nothing to mind about it, except for this one time when Diego fucks up.

The movie has barely started when he feels Luther's arm brush against his. He's wearing a t-shirt, which is a big step from the long sleeves and turtlenecks and big coats.

The skin to skin contact makes Diego's skin crawl instantly. Luther's arm is warm against his in a way that's so uncomfortable he almost stands up to leave. Maybe a year before he would, with no care whatsoever, but they've been trying. The tense Number One and Number Two relationship has died down a bit, enough for them to interact without it instantly becoming a fight. Diego would say he deserves some credit for it, but deep inside he's begrudgingly aware that it's mostly due to Luther's efforts.

He can't let a little discomfort ruin this fragile thing they've built. He sits there unmoving, telling himself to suck it up, it's his _brother_ for fucks sake. So why the fuck is he so tense? He does his best to follow the plot of the movie, but it's a bad romcom that almost irritates him as much as the weight of his brother next to him.

It all goes downhill from there. Ben, Allison and Klaus are talking about the movie, talking over each other in a way that makes it impossible to follow the conversation but they don't seem to mind. Ben is talking with his mouth full of chips and Klaus is waving his hands around just in front of Diego and Allison at some point stands up to grab some water but forgets about it because she's too into whatever the fuck this conversation is, and God it's all too much. And then Luther shifts so that his thigh is against his and Diego practically jumps of the couch.

In a second all noise drains from the room and all eyes are on the two of them, even Vanya who had just fallen asleep looks up at him wide awake.

Luther stares at him, confused, and reaches out to put a hand on his shoulder, and Diego steps back as if he's burnt him. “Don't fucking touch me.”

He sees the hurt in Luther's eyes and the way he flinches away from him and shit, he knows exactly what he's thinking, that this is because of him and his body, that Diego finds him repulsive and can't stand the sight of him, that–

It's not. It's not, it's not, it never was he would never– His brother is a piece of shit but he would never–

“Diego,” Allison says, sternly, accusatory, in a way that makes him feel even more guilty and in a second all the guilt is replaced by defense and he turns around to look at her and snaps.

“What,” he yells.

She squints at him, and if there ever was a tinge of worry in her eyes it's gone now. “Stop–”

“No. I won't,” he yells back. He doesn't know what she wanted him to stop but he's afraid to even hear it. “This was the worst idea. Why the fuck did you think this was a good idea?”

“What–”

“I don't wanna watch dumb movies with you, or sit in this nightmarish fucking house next to you, I don't wanna be here–”

Klaus makes a quiet _oof_ noise from the floor.

“This doesn't work,” he continues, Allison's eyes burning into him. She looks like she wants to punch him, and he kind of wishes she would. “It will never work.”

He leaves them without letting Allison say her piece. Next time he sees Luther he's back in the long sleeves and Diego feels so sick he goes back to the gym to punch the bag until his arms are shaky. They don't have movie nights after that.

***

One might think that having a brother whose whole deal is teleporting around would mean one's used to finding him everywhere, at any time, but Diego is pretty sure he will never get used to it.

Five showing up out of nowhere at his place after midnight is a confirmation of that. If he didn't get his arm sliced badly that night his brother would have a knife in him by now.

“What the fuck,” he yells. Five gets one good at him, at a bruise forming on his jaw and blood dripping down his right arm, sighs and disappears.

Diego stands there for a moment, blinking, and then gives up trying to comprehend this. Trying to put understand what goes in Five's head is too exhausting even when his head isn't throbbing.

As he thinks so Five appears right in front of him, a bag across his shoulder.

“What the fuck,” he yells again. “Stop that.”

Five ignores him. “Sit.”

Diego tries to protest but Five effortlessly pushes him backwards towards his bed and makes him sit down. Turns out the bag he went back for is full of medical supplies, so he won't complain. Yet.

“What are you doing here,” he mumbles as Five starts taking out bandages.

“I came over to tell you that Allison and Vanya are coming over for lunch tomorrow, and it would be much appreciated if you showed your face as well,” Five says. “Because after saving the world and all of you idiots I am now this family's messenger pigeon.”

He takes out some rubbing alcohol and gestures at him to get the shirt off. “I see however, that you've gotten yourself into some bullshit again.”

“I'm fine,” Diego says. It's not like he's unaware of the risks. He's been doing this for long enough, it's certainly not he first time he's gotten injured. Five rolls his eyes. He goes to put his hand on Diego's shoulder to get a better look at the wound when Diego scoots back.

“Don't do this now,” Five hisses. He's glaring at him but he doesn't sound that pissed. “I get it, okay? But not now. You don't let me help and you're either gonna die from blood loss or from an infection and you're gonna miss the lunch tomorrow and it's gonna be my fault.”

It feels like an exaggeration. Diego wants to complain and insist that it's nothing, but his brother is an unstoppable force and gives him no time to make up excuses. He reaches for him again and Diego moves out of his way. “Fuck off. Just let me do it.”

For just a second he thinks he's convinced him, until Five punches him in the stomach with force that a 13 year old body should not possess, and pats his shoulder as Diego doubles over. Breathing deeply, he makes peace with the fact that he's lost this fight, too tired and sore to argue with Five of all people. Any other one of his siblings he might have been able to deal with, but.

“I didn't come back here to save your asses, _twice_ now,” Five rambles as he starts cleaning the gash in his arm. Diego winces but Five holds him in place, fingers digging into his shoulder firmly. “Just for you to kill yourself while trying to be a damn hero in the streets.”

“I could have done this on my own,” he insists. He could have. He has already done this himself plenty of times.

Five gives him an incredulous look. “You're impossible. Sometimes I want to stab you myself.”

Diego tries to flip him off and finds that his arm hurts too much. Five looks pleased by it. Then he pulls out a needle and a thread out of his bag and Diego's stomach drops.

“Can't you like,” he tries very hard to sound collected, but between this and the injury he's certain Five can tell how all over the place he is. “Slap a bandage on and let it be?”

This earns him another one of Five's 'Can you fucking believe this guy?' looks. “Diego, if that's how you've been treating all your wounds I wonder how you're still alive.”

“Skills, baby.”

“No.”

He's being pushed again, which frankly he's tired of, and he says so to his brother but he ignores him, again.

“Close your eyes,” Five instructs him, and he doesn't have to say it twice. He can't remember the last time he's been this tired. It might be the head injury. “Talk to me about what happened.”

So Diego does, while Five works on his arm and does his best to keep him from slipping away. Perhaps the blood loss was a bit more of a danger than he anticipated. As he works on closing the wound Five holds Diego's shoulder with the other, refusing to move to even after his first complaints. It keeps him focused though, and gets his attention away from the needle. Of course that out of everyone, Five would find a way to make his aversion to physical touch useful.

He'd barely notice that Five was done if it weren't for him dropping a bag of frozen peas on his face.

“What the fuck–”

“For the jaw,” Five says, pointing at a spot on his own face where Diego got punched. He groans and puts the bag on his face. Five pats his shoulder.

“Sleep, you peanut brained moron.”

“Fuck you, Five.”

***

Silence, with Diego, is always welcome. Between six siblings and living at a gym it's not in abundance. So he takes long car rides and longer walks home and avoids his family on bad days because it's way too easy to snap and they've been working at being better, they've been trying. He thought it was useless at first, they were all fucked up beyond measure, and no talking about feelings can fix that, but then conversations with Luther and Allison became bearable and he noticed how each time it went bad it was him snapping. So he tries too.

Silence, with Klaus, is a bad sign. He loves to talk, always the one to fill awkward silences and make long lunches bearable. He has a thing to say for every occasion, even more now that he's been sober for a while. So when he walks in to find Klaus sitting at the dining table, fingers knotted picking at his nails, staring into empty space in front with no expression on his face whatsoever, he feels a sort of panic raise in him.

Diego walked in the Academy, instantly feeling raw and rigid at the sight of it. Vanya sent him a message this morning, about her concert later this week, telling him if he wants to come, she's gotten them all tickets and left them at the mansion. The message is full of badly masked apologies and excuses and _you don't have to come if you're busy it's not that important_ , and Diego feels almost bad, if this is how she has to ask him to come. He hasn't seen her last performance, not for the lack of will but simply because no one had told him about it until an hour before the start and he'd felt shitty for a week afterwards but no one ever mentioned it so he hoped his absence went unnoticed. He knew Vanya noticed though.

So he's here to pick up his ticket for his sister's concert that he will attend, fuck he'll even dress nicely for the occasion. It's easier than an apology.

All his thoughts of Vanya and concerts go out his head as he approaches Klaus though.

“Hey,” he calls out. Snaps his fingers in front of Klaus a few times. “Dude.”

It takes him clapping his hands before Klaus' face for him to budge. He shakes his head a little and looks up at Diego with confusing in his eyes. Diego hopes he looks more put together than he feels.

“Wha–” he blinks. “Oh, my brother dear. I didn't expect you here.”

Diego ignores him. “You good?”

“Hm?”

“Are you good?” he asks again. It doesn't matter why he's here, what matters is if he has to see the empty look on his brothers face for a second longer he might just bolt.

Klaus lets out a sigh. He doesn't answer, doesn't lie and say yes but doesn't say no either. Diego gets that.

This isn't the first time he, or one of them, found Klaus seemingly lost, somehow, but it's not something he expects to ever get used to. It's haunting to see him like that.

Klaus doesn't like to talk about it, refusing to even acknowledge the few times it's happened, no matter how hard they push. And maybe they shouldn't, Vanya had suggested, maybe he'll go to them when he's ready.

But Diego has waited long enough for Klaus to come to him for help. All those years of uncertainty if his brother is dead in a ditch somewhere, reeking of smoke and alcohol and– no, he's done waiting.

He remembers one time when Klaus slipped and spoke a bit about it, something about ghosts, too many of them, yelling, demanding.

“Hey,” he puts his hands on Klaus' shoulders and shakes him gently. Diego knows a thing or two about being overwhelmed, and maybe for Klaus the solution isn't punching something for hours, but there are other things to occupy your mind and hands with. He just needs to get him out of his head. “Hey, hey. Come on. Hear me out.”

Klaus hums, a bit more here. “I'm listening.”

“Do you– I–,” he looks around, settles his gaze on Klaus' fingers, picking at his nails. They were painted bright green but the polish is almost completely gone at this point. “Let me paint your nails.”

That gets his attention. He chuckles. “You?”

“Yes, me,” Diego says and grits his teeth. He had done Vanya's nails a couple of times when they were kids. Granted that was over twenty years ago but, still.

Klaus gives him a look that he can't quite decipher. He nods then, and points Diego in the direction of his box with nail polish.

Much to Klaus' enjoyment, Diego sucks at this. He gets gradually more and more frustrated with how shaky his hands get and how much of the purple gets on Klaus' fingers instead of nails. He groans and swears and Klaus laughs at him and teases and it's honestly fun. This is good.

Once he's done and the polish has mostly dried off he stands up to leave. Vanya's ticket. He can't forget.

“Oh, Diego,” Klaus calls the moment he moves. “Brother dearest, where are you headed?”

Before he gets to answer he cuts him off. “Let me do your now.”

It takes Diego a moment to catch up. He blinks at his brother. “My nails?”

“Yeah,” Klaus holds his hands up, waving them to quicken the drying process. “What color?”

“Black.”

Klaus snorts. “Of course. What did I expect. Some creativity? Some liveliness?”

“Shut up,” he can feel himself closing off and it's so damn stupid, it's Klaus, he's always like this, no need to be dramatic about it, but he still starts walking away.

Klaus pulls at his hand and he lets him. He lets himself be pushed in the chair as his brother rummages through his box of nail polish, so vividly better than he was when Diego found him here. There's a crease between his brows that's a nice contrast to the lifeless stare Klaus had on, and he's talking to Diego about nail polish, about how yellow would suit him, about Vanya's concert this week, about a book Ben has been talking about for the past two days, about nothing at all, and he feels relief spread through his body.

Klaus finds no black nail polish, so he goes through Allison's collection too, and in the end Diego's nails are in four colors, none of them black, but Klaus seems to be having a good time and he can't bring himself to ruin this too. He doesn't flinch when Klaus' cold fingers grab his hand to move it in a better position even though for a second his skin feels like it's on fire. It's a small personal victory.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since youre already here, heres my diego playlist i listened to while writing this: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4q4Qwbp5cfa6GBmt4W9eqE?si=-5hQ8kX2RlexnqXvkGoWCg

The Hargreeves have been spending more and more time at the Academy. More, as in both Allison and Vanya have their own places to live in but keep sleeping over there, for whatever reason. Family time. 

Ben keeps inviting him to dinners with the rest of them, and there's only so many times he can say no to Ben. So eventually Diego becomes a frequent guest at the Hargreeves house as well. 

It's weird, to see them all trying and putting so much effort into being a family. Vanya talks more, looks and sounds more relaxed than he's ever known her. He hasn't had an argument with Luther in at least a month. Five has been adjusting, slowly, and Diego is sure it's much harder to him than he lets on, but he's not about to pry. 

It's not perfect by any means. They all fuck up a lot. Some nights when it's especially bad Diego thinks how he's the worst of them all, still feeling like he's walking on egg shells during each conversation, still snapping, sudden and intense and he feels panic rise in his throat. Maybe he can't change it. Maybe he can't change himself, and they will all do better and be comfortable with each other and live full of love and affection and he'll always stand aside feeling like one wrong look will send him running. And most of the time, it does. 

It's one of those nights, though this time he's not alone in his boiler room, but in their childhood home with all his siblings fast asleep. 

The dinner went fine. Hell, even a few rounds of uno went fine, which was a miracle on it's own. Then a conversation started, some questions were asked, Diego got defensive and pissed off, and thankfully they managed to put a stop to it before it became a full blown fight. A small part of him thinks it's a shame. He was almost itching for it. 

He wanted Luther to pick a fight with him. Wanted Five to start throwing backhanded insults he could be mad about, wanted Allison to be angry at him, because he was angry, even if he wasn't sure what about and it certainly had nothing to do with any of them. Ben, Klaus and Vanya wouldn't get involved, most likely, but they'd give him dirty looks later, and he'd take that too. 

All in all, it's a bad night for him. He tosses and turns in his bed for almost an hour before he gives up and walks downstairs. Then back upstairs. Then downstairs for a glass of water. Then he decides to take a shower. 

Allison finds him half an hour later, glaring at his reflection in the mirror with scissors in his hands. “What the hell, Diego?”

She startles him, and looks amused by it for a moment until her eyes fixate back on the scissors. 

“What's it look like I'm doing,” he asks through gritted teeth. He points at the mess that is his hair, and where he tied it up earlier was now a tight knot caused by the shitty hair tie he found in the kitchen. “Getting rid of this.”

For a moment Allison just stands there and Diego expects her to turn around and go back to sleep. He's guessing she went outside to smoke before bed. 

Allison shuts her eyes and sighs. “Put those down.”

“What?”

“I can untangle it. You'll just make it worse.”

She reaches towards him as it to take his hand but retreats in the last moment, and just points in the direction of the bathtub instead. Diego begrudgingly listens and sits at the edge of it. 

He had expected her to be at least a bit mad at him, about earlier tonight, but instead she's standing behind him doing her best to save his hair. He's grown fond of it. It's just gotten long enough for him to be able to tie it and it's kind of exciting. 

Allison carefully picks at the knot with a comb, and to Diego it feels like it's not doing a thing. He's tried already. The part of him that's still itching for a fight wants to complain, but he keeps his mouth shut. 

She gives it a good yank and he hears the tie snap. “ _Ouch_.”

“Idiot,” she sighs. 

“How is this _my_ fault?” 

Diego can tell she's shaking her head even with his back turned to her. “Get some actual hair ties. These are bad for your hair. As you might have noticed.”

“These work just fine,” he insists. It's just the first one he found in the kitchen when they were eating dinner and he got tired of hair falling in his face. 

She waves the now useless hair tie in front of his face, bits if his hair still knotted around it. “That's a rubber band.”

“Yeah, so?”

Allison pinches her nose. “You drive me up the wall.”

Diego grins at her. He stands up to leave but she quickly and efficiently pushes him back down. “What?”

“I'm not done,” she says, sounding awfully happy with herself. She's gotten a brush from somewhere and gathers his hair to untangle it properly, now that the main problem is dealt with. Once she's happy with that part she puts it away and gently runs her hand through his hair, and Diego feels himself tense up immediately. 

Allison notices, because of course she does, and she takes a step back. “I was going to braid it. Do you want me to leave it?”

She doesn't seem mad, it sounds like a genuine offer. 

His initial reaction be damned, he really doesn't want to. The thought of leaving back to his room to sit there alone makes him sick. And this has been surprisingly calming, sitting at the edge of the bathtub while his sister does his hair in the middle of the night. If there's anyone he'd let fuck around with his hair, it's Allison. 

Diego shakes his head and Allison starts dividing strands of hair, hands moving in practiced motion. 

He wonders if Allison spent much time doing Claire's hair. She seems to enjoy it a lot, quietly carding her fingers through his hair, her grip firm and gentle, he doesn't remember the last time she seemed so relaxed in his presence. He doesn't ask. 

It feels like ages passed when Allison tells him to hold his hair while she finds something functional to tie it with. She ignores him when he mentions there's some in the kitchen. Braiding hair doesn't seem like a task that takes as long as it took her, he thinks, but he won't complain. 

She's back soon with a tiny bag that she takes a hair tie out of. It's one of those fuzzy one's she used to wear as a kid when they weren't on missions. 

“I really didn't expect this night to end with me doing my little brother's hair,” she teases. He didn't either. He didn't think his hair was long enough to braid at all but maybe he should have known Allison can do whatever she sets out to do. 

Diego rolls his eyes. “We're the same age.”

They're not, not anymore. But no one really wants to have that conversation. Thinking about Allison spending enough time in the past to get married and start living a new life makes him dizzy. 

Allison finishes tying his hair and finally sits down next to him. 

“Keep it,” she says, bumps her shoulder against his. He almost wants to lean into it. “No more rubber bands. Next time I'll just let you cut it off.”

They sit in silence for a bit before Allison suggests making pancakes. He's never the one to turn down late night pancakes. 

***

Vanya calls him around 10pm on a Wednesday. It's weird because she never calls, she texts him, and rarely. Each time it's either an invitation to her concert or checking if he'll be at the dinner or forwarding a message from another sibling who was with her at the moment. 

Diego wondered if she still thinks he hates her. He thought he'd made it obvious he does not, but now he's not sure. Lately it seems nothing he does looks the same to others as it does to him. 

Seeing Vanya's name on his phone screen makes his heart jump to his throat. Fuck, if something happened to her, they just stopped the apocalypse, again, it's so late, what if–

“Diego?” her voice is quiet but it always is, he assures himself, it's no reason to panic. He drops the mop he was cleaning the gym floor with and breathes. “God, I'm so sorry. I know it's super late, I– I just finished practice and there's a storm outside and I can't get the taxi I–”

“I'll be there in a bit,” he says, heart still beating too fast. 

He hears her exhale. “Thank you.”

When he gets there, Vanya is standing in front of the theatre completely soaked clutching her bag to her chest. It's been cloudy the whole day, why the fuck didn't she bring an umbrella? 

“Get in,” he yells as he opens the door for her and she runs in. “Where's your fucking umbrella, V?”

“Broken,” she sighs. She's shaking a bit, has obviously been standing in the rain for a while. Diego takes the violin case from her and puts it in the back seat while she fumbles with her bag and tries to wipe the rain from her face. 

Diego shakes his head, already composing a speech about taking care of herself and her health but it's late, and she's so visibly exhausted he bites his tongue this time and starts the car. “Seatbelt.”

“Oh. Shit.”

It takes them a bit. Driving through the storm is never the ideal scenario, and even if he's usually a pretty confident driver heavy rain does make him anxious. 

When he pulls up in front of her building, Vanya is asleep. He doesn't even think about waking her up. Somehow he's sure Five is here and waiting for him to do so so he can strangle him. He carries her up to her apartment instead, which is easier than he thought. She weights barely anything to him. Luther could probably pick her up like a teddy bear, absolutely no effort needed. 

“Fucking idiot,” he mumbles as he's walking up the stairs, shivering Vanya in his arms and her bag across his shoulder. He's left her violin in the car, hoping he remembers to bring it back to her tomorrow morning. It's not like he's going anywhere tonight. “You're gonna get a fucking cold, standing in the rain, who the fuck does that, what kind of dramatic ass–”

“Shut up,” she whispers. And here he thought she's asleep. 

He shakes his head, struggles for good five minutes trying to balance his sister and find the key in her bag, and finally lets himself in.

As he lays her down on the couch Vanya is, conveniently, back to being asleep. In her soaked jacket. “You gotta change, V.”

Nothing. He shakes her. “Vanya, come on. Can't sleep in wet clothes on your couch.”

She groans and mutters. “Bed.”

“Not until you've changed.”

Vanya swats weakly at him. So much for a thanks. 

Apparently this is in his hands now, so Diego lets himself rummage through his sister's closet until he finds something that seems comfortable. He drops the bundle of clothes next to her and claps his hands until she starts paying attention to him. “Vanya. Warm clothes. Now.”

“God, you're such a dick,” she mumbles. 

Despite the complaints she gets up. He leaves the room until she's done changing and then carries her to her bed. “Stubborn little shit.”

“Asshole.”

As he puts her down, instead of lying down in the bed Vanya clings to him. She wraps her arms around his waist and pulls him in a hug, and for the first time that night Diego has no idea what to do. Slowly, unsure if he's doing this right, he hugs her back. It hits him in that moment that the last time he's been hugged was by Ben, before the second apocalypse, almost a year ago now. He's not sure what to do about that. 

“You give good hugs, you know? Not better than Ben but,” she yawns. “You should hug more.”

It's the most open she's been with him ever since– well, since they were kids, almost. He's sure that if she doesn't let him go soon he will start crying, and he really doesn't want that. He writes her affection off as a result of sleepiness, maybe a cold. 

He's just about to ask her to let go when he realises she's fallen asleep. So he carefully gets out of her embrace and covers her with a blanket, leaves her room feeling weirdly sluggish and emotional. He's not sure how he feels about it. He'd rather not think about it. 

Vanya's couch is not the most comfortable spot he's slept in, but he sleeps better than he has in weeks. 

***

“You know what sucked?” Ben asks one night, as he's lying on the roof of the Academy. “Being a ghost sucked.”

Diego snorts. “Oh yeah?”

Ben nodds and takes a drag of his joint. “Can't do any of this as a ghost. Can't feel a thing as a ghost.”

“Not a thing?” he frowned, trying to imagine how would that be. Ben didn't like to talk about it, about his time of being dead, so this thought hadn't occurred to Diego before. Hell, being a ghost must have _sucked._

Ben shakes his head slowly. “Not a thing.”

Diego has noticed Ben being much more affectionate, or just more tactile than before. Not so much with him, but he's always standing unnecessarily close to someone, resting a hand on their shoulder, sitting so that he's almost leaning against them, stuff like that. 

It feels weirdly like encroaching on his privacy, listening to him talk about this now while he's high off his ass. Diego hates to be the responsible one here but maybe this time he should. 

“You don't have to– you know,” he tries, but the words don't come to him. “It's just–”

“Oh, I know,” Ben rolls his eyes as if even the idea that he might spill something he doesn't want to offends him. “Would you stop ruining the fun?”

Now it's Diego's turn to look offended. “If this is about me not wanting to smoke–”

“No, this is about you trying to babysit me,” he looks at him pointedly. “You don't have to stand guard while I smoke, I can take care of myself just as well. But if you're gonna be here would you at least try to relax?”

“I'm relaxed!”

Ben shoots him an exasperated look. “That's sad.”

“Fuck you too.”

Truth be told, he did come up here to make sure Ben was doing alright. They've all been overly protective but really, can he blame them? Diego thinks it's perfectly reasonable. 

Ben keeps looking at him expectantly, and Diego genuinely has no idea what he wants him to do. Apparently it's obvious, because Ben sighs and pats the roof next to him. “Lie down.”

“What.”

“Just do it.”

It feels ridiculous but it's Ben and he's never been able to say no to Ben, which the bastard is very aware of and fully taking advantage of. Which is how he finds himself lying on the roof of the Academy in the dead of night, next to a very high Ben. Fuck, dad would hate this so much. The thought makes him feel better instantly. 

It's a breezy autumn night, the sound of the wind almost drowned out by the crickets. It's almost enough to kill the anxiety. He's getting restless. His knives are in his car, and he has nothing to do with his hands without them. Allison has been pretty clear on the topic of knives. _Stop walking around the house with knives,_ she said. _This is a safe space_ , she said, _You don't need to be on alert 24/7_. Diego isn't sure how to explain to her, or anyone else for that matter, that his knives _are_ his safe space. He's told Allison that once but she just gave him a sad look. It made him want to fight her. He left the room.

“You know what was the worst part?” Ben says after a few minutes of silence. Diego hums in response. “The– I couldn't–” 

He takes a deep breath, and continues just in time to stop Diego from saying he doesn't have to do this. “Klaus was always there, I could see and hear him and talk to him but I couldn't touch him. Until he figured that out. But we mostly used that for emergencies. Because it took a lot out of him.” 

“Must have been lonely,” Diego whispers. It explains why he tries to be closer to them now. He feels kind of guilty, for not being there for him more. In a way he gets it, kind of, that lack of physical contact that makes him lie awake at night sometimes, wrapping the sheets around himself tighter. Obviously he's never been a ghost, his body just decided to self-sabotage him. 

Ben nods. “It was so cold. Which? Bullshit. I can't feel shit but I can feel cold? Who thought of that?” 

Diego just barely suppresses a laugh. “Pretty fucking stupid.”

“And it's cold at night now, sometimes I wake up thinking I'm still there. Somewhere in between. I just crash at Klaus' room then, he doesn't mind, probably helps with his nightmares too,” he exhales a puff of smoke. Diego doesn't know what to say. He hears a soft rustle of clothes and can practically feel Ben's eyes on him. “Are you ever scared of disappearing?”

The question takes him by surprise but it's not hard to answer. “Yeah.”

“Yeah?” 

Not in the same way Ben probably does, so perhaps it's irrelevant. But he asked. He's sure one of those therapists from the 60s would make a connection between this and how he's always been the Number Two and some bullshit about his dad and Luther and whatever, but Diego refuses to think about it. He doesn't need anyone analysing him. But it's hard not to think of how difficult it's been for him to adjust, how among them all he's still the most distant despite his efforts and how no matter what he says it always seems to be the wrong thing. It's so much easier to keep distance than try again and again to convince people that he's worth their time. 

Of course Ben would be scared of disappearing. Diego isn't sure why it hits him so hard and sudden, it's the most reasonable fear for a guy who spent most of his life as a ghost. 

He notices Ben is still looking at him, waiting for him to elaborate, but he'd rather not. He just nods. Ben leaves it alone. 

It's a conversation Diego thinks about a lot afterwards. Ben, for all his general openness, doesn't talk a lot about the things he fears. In a way he feels bad for not noticing, especially with how much they've all been trying to keep Ben from trouble, but it's the truth that they're not keen on talking about him being dead. Should they? Ben's not a fan of it either, mentions it only for jokes, which only he and Klaus find funny. 

Even if talking to Ben is what they need to do Diego is the last person who should go for it. He might as well throw a knife at him.

He says something among those lines to Vanya while they're talking over some coffee. She squints at him. “Do you really think so, or are you just being a coward?”

Diego spends the rest of the morning glaring at her. 

The next time he sees Ben, it's barely 8am and he's walking into the kitchen still sluggish from sleep while Diego is rummaging through their kitchen cabinet trying to find a goddamn spatula. 

“I thought you were banned from the kitchen,” Ben looks at him and raises an eyebrow, not bothering to hide his amusement. He's barely awake but he's already up and about, being a menace. He's such a little shit. 

“You're a little shit.”

Ben smirks. “I won't tell anyone if you make me some eggs.”

Two weeks ago, Klaus and Diego had almost set the kitchen on fire. It was Klaus' fault more than anyone else's since it was his idea to make a cake for Vanya after she got back from her concert, and of course he had to rope Diego in to help him with that. It went as well as expected. They are now both banned from the kitchen. 

Diego groans and grabs some eggs from the fridge. As if he wouldn't make him breakfast if he just asked. 

He makes enough for them both, Ben sits at the table with a blanket around his shoulders, still yawning. 

“You're up early,” Diego notes. Ben is not a morning person by any means. If they let him he sleeps until noon. 

Ben shrugs, taps his fingers on the table surface. “Couldn't sleep.”

There's a bit of silence as Diego contemplates if he wants to try to have this conversation or not. “Nightmares?”

Ben shrugs again, keeping up the tapping rhythm. Diego lets it go. 

Eventually the eggs are done and he puts them in front of Ben who mutters a quiet thanks. He sits next to him with his plate, makes sure to move his chair as close to his brother without it being weird or obvious. 

He gives no sign that the proximity bothers him or that he's noticed it in any way, but once his plate is empty Ben doesn't leave the table. Diego shakes his shoulder. 

“Do you wanna go watch a movie or something?” he asks. He doesn't feel like watching shit, but Ben looks tired and upset and paying attention to something else might help. 

Also, it's early, and he's promised Allison to drive her to the gym today and she won't be up in at least an hour more. She could drive herself there, she has a car, and she can drive, but she's bullied him into doing it for her. It's happened enough times that he knows what her plan is. She makes him drive her there, then she mentions how she doesn't have a car so he drives her back too, and once they're back at the Academy she talks him into staying for a bit. It's a trick, one he could easily avoid if he simply refused. But lately he's found that his response to anyone asking for a ride is an instant yes rather than a begrudging one. So now instead of just Klaus he also drives Allison around, occasionally Vanya and Ben too. The only person more annoyed than Diego by his new role as the designated driver is Five. He insists that even a drunk Klaus can drive better. Which is just plain rude. 

The point is, he has time to kill. 

“Sure,” Ben rubs his eyes. He stands up and starts walking towards the living room. Diego stays for a bit longer to wash the dishes, and he hears Ben yell from the other room. “My pick.”

It's always Ben's pick. 

Diego stops paying attention to the movie about ten minutes in. Nothing new there, he's not big into movies and his focus is shit. What's weird is Ben isn't paying attention as well. There's no commentary from him that they're all used to, and he just stares at the screen with a frown on his face. 

“How do you like your pick,” Diego bumps his leg against Ben's. 

“Hm?” he blinks at him. “Oh. Kinda boring.”

“It sucks.”

Ben smiles. “You're not even watching.”

“Yeah. It's that bad,” he insists even though he hasn't paid enough attention to even say what the movie's about. He stretches out his legs. “You seem tired.”

“Yeah, well,” Ben yawns, only further proving his point. “I can't sleep.”

Diego makes an impulsive and perhaps stupid decision. “Come here.” 

Ben squints at him. Well, if he wants to make this difficult, Diego can do it himself. He scoots over to Ben and takes his blanket to put it around them both. It's thankfully enough for Ben to get what he's aiming at. 

“I didn't think of you as a cuddler,” Ben teases. What a little shit. 

Diego shoots him a glare but judging by Ben's snort it doesn't have the intended effect. He has a second to process before his brother starts shuffling in attempt to get in a comfortable position while staying glued to Diego's side. It's an awkward process, what with Ben being taller than him and Diego not doing much to help. Ben's assumption wasn't wrong, Diego isn't a cuddler, though not because he doesn't enjoy it but because he hasn't had much chance to do so and it has always felt awkward. Vanya may disagree but he's always felt like he's made of too many rough edges to be good at physical contact. 

It doesn't seem to bother Ben though. He elbows him a few times while turning around but in the end manages to fit his head in the crook of his neck and yawns some more. 

“Sleep now, ok?” Diego nudges him. 

“Admit it, you're doing this just to get some prime cuddles,” Ben says, eyes already shut. 

“Yeah. Sure,” he mutters, unsure about how much he disagrees. It's the closest someone has been to him in a while, and it's not nearly as uncomfortable as he feared it would be. It could be that it's Ben. It could be that he's gotten over his bullshit. He'd rather not think about it. 

There's something strangely soothing about the way he can feel Ben's chest rise and fall, breathing in, breathing out. He leans his head against Ben's and doesn't even notice that he's falling asleep. 

It's how Allison finds them about an hour later. Diego is waken up by her shaking his shoulder lightly, and just barely untangles himself from Ben without waking him up. He tells Allison to wait for him in the car while he goes to get Klaus. Klaus, who is not at all happy about being woken up, but minimises his complaining when Diego tells him he doesn't want to leave Ben alone. 

“Has anyone ever told you how big of a softie you are?” Allison asks around the time they're nearing the gym. He'd really hoped should wouldn't say shit about it. 

“I'm gonna throw you out. You're gonna walk home by yourself.”

She hums, a smug smirk on her face. It's an empty threat and they both know it. “Sure.”

***

They have another movie night. It's been months since the last one at this point, and Ben insists on trying again. 

It's a stupid, cheesy action movie Vanya and Ben chose, which means no one says a word about it. Even months later there's a tension in the air, and Diego can tell they're all thinking about the last movie night incident. He feels sick. He hoped they would write it off as one of his outbursts and not pay too much attention to it, but he had obviously crossed a line there. 

But then the movie starts, and Allison groans as the camera pans out to show the main characters face, and goes on about how annoying he's been to work with, and how shitty his jokes are, and Klaus is ready to ask some inappropriate questions before Five grits out a _shut up_ and slowly all the tension leaves the room. 

Diego sits on the floor keeping his distance and he's relieved that this time no one mentions it. Vanya falls asleep on Luther's shoulder, looking especially small next to him. When Luther's leg brushes against Diego's shoulder he flinches, and immediately shuts his eyes, feeling like utter shit because again? _Really? Again?_ But Luther just mutters a quick 'sorry' and scoots a bit to the side so there's more space between the two of them, slow and careful as to not wake up his sister. Diego keeps his eyes shut for a moment longer, hoping no one else noticed, too distracted by Klaus and Allison talking. 

“Christ, who _says_ that?” Klaus complains and waves his hand at the screen. 

Allison shakes her head. “You know, for how much of a nightmare he is to work with, you'd think he's at least good at his job, but–”

“He sucks!” Klaus groans. “This sucks.”

“Right!”

“I just think–”

“Can you two shut your fucking mouths for once in your life and watch the goddamn movie,” Five yells. 

Ben shoves a handful of chips in his mouth and chews loudly. Instinctively, Diego turns his head around towards Luther, who is already looking at him and they share a look of exasperation. There's also relief in Luther's face, which Diego is sure he mirrors. He breathes a bit easier for the rest of the night. 

**Author's Note:**

> ty for reading!  
> hmu @moss_time on twitter, @righteousmoths on tumblr


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